Slowly Becoming What I Want to Be
I’m still becoming
Becoming the person I want to be hasn’t happened in a single moment - it’s been a series of small, intentional steps, lessons learned the hard way, and moments of quiet courage.
Before I started the Debbie Murphy Foundation, I had an idea of the change I wanted to see: stronger support for families, more opportunities for kids with disabilities, and a community that could lean on one another. What I didn’t fully appreciate was how much this work would shape me - and how becoming who I want to be would become part of the mission itself.
Becoming is slow. It’s learning to listen before fixing. There have been times when my first instinct was to solve everything at once, to act quickly and loudly. Over time, I’m learning the value of pausing, asking questions, and centering the people we serve. “We are not meant to serve for self recognition, but to center around the people we are serving”. Listening doesn’t mean inaction; it means making choices that reflect real needs, not assumptions. This awareness has helped our programs, and my personal life, become more responsive, and it has made me a better partner, leader, and neighbor.
Becoming is messy. I make mistakes, lots of them. I’ve asked a lot of questions, and I’ve missed signals that mattered. I’ve needed to apologize and course-correct. Those moments have been extremely uncomfortable - but they’ve been essential for my learning and growth. Owning missteps taught me humility and gave others the space to teach and to lead me. Growth often follows repair.
Becoming is brave in small ways. For me, bravery has looked like asking for help when I felt overwhelmed, depressed or stressed, learning to hand off tasks so others can shine, and saying no when I need to protect my energy for the work that matters most. Those small acts of courage have created room for new voices at the table and allowed the foundation, and my personal life, to do deeper, steadier work.
Becoming is patient. Meaningful change in people’s lives rarely happens overnight. Seeing Kevin B. slowly beginning to move his extremities, or Josh enjoy his first horseback ride again, or being able to mentor colleagues or EMTs starting paramedic school, reminds me that progress is often incremental. It reminds me that I am not the only one facing challenges, and that my struggles are not necessarily unique, and that progress is often incremental. Celebrating small wins - a confident smile, a new skill learned, a barrier removed - keeps us moving forward.
Becoming is rooted in community. The lessons I value most come from families, partners, and the people who show up. I’ve learned to let the community needs guide our priorities, to invest in relationships and allow people who want to serve you, to do so without feeling guilty of being in need vs the one serving. We all need help at times. The foundation and myself are stronger because we collaborate; I’m stronger because I welcome the wisdom of others.
What I’m still learning:
To choose sustainability over speed: long-term supports beat quick fixes every time.
To build capacity, not dependency: we aim to equip rather than rescue.
To make space: leadership doesn’t need one voice at the center - it needs many. People don’t leave jobs, they leave leaders (or something like that).
To care for myself: advocacy and compassion require reserves of rest and joy.
My journey to become who I want to be is inseparable from the foundation’s mission. When I grow, our programs grow in clarity, compassion, and effectiveness. When I make space for others to lead, our reach multiplies, in any area. The foundation isn’t about my identity alone - it’s about the people we support and the communities we strengthen together.
Know that becoming is not a race. It’s a practice. I’m still becoming. I’m proud of the steps we’ve taken, grateful for the people who teach me, and hopeful about the work ahead. Thank you for being part of this journey.
xoxo,
-shiftmomunfiltered
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“People want to bring up the old you because they’re still the old them.”